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| okay....so for those of you still in college...seriously; NEVER GRADUATE!
Just kidding, graduate because graduating is great. Life after graduation will eventually be great, but man this first month and a half; almost two, has been so tough. I knew it wouldn't be easy.
My update is that I got a job with CPS in Dallas County. I start July 17th, and I'm really excited about it. I plan on working here for two to three years and getting certified to teach during that time and taking the GRE. I hope to start teaching after the 2-3 years and then teach High School sociology/psychology. While I'm doing that I want to work on my Masters and become a certified counselor. Once i've finished all of that we'll see where the Lord takes me.
I'm really struggling right now with not having a lot to do. Other than my freshman summer that past four years have been a blur. Anytime I was lonely someone was five feet away. Loneliness has a new meaning. Or maybe the same meaning it had before college. Anyways, I love my home church, but I'm beginning to feel like in order for me to grow and to be able to meet new people I'm going to have to leave. That is a hard thing for me to say and it will be even harder to do.
Well, there really is not much to say. I love you guys, thanks for being good friends. | | |
| That's the question I hear daily. Not just once a day but probably 5 times a day. It is the question that runs through my head all day long, and the question that I have no answer to and am somewhat afraid of. As a freshmen, I thought graduation would be one of the greatest things ever. I don't think I was necessarily wrong, I just don't think I accounted for how difficult the task may be. I don't have a job yet, and I don't really know what is going to happen. For now, I'm heading back to Grand Prairie to live with my parents until I have some money saved up. I am confident a job will come I'm just beginning to get nervous about the when.
All of college there has been a Caedman's Call song that has spoken to my heart about the Lord's work in my life. It has been the theme of every semester and every accomplishment and failure I've experienced in College. That song is "Lead of Love;" it has all been His lead of love, He has not failed me before why would he start now?
There have been many times over the last four years that I have been fearful or nervous about what the Lord was doing but never once did He fail me! He has been so faithful even when I was not. Right now I'm experiencing a lot of emotions that I really didn't expect. Going back to Grand Prairie, is frankly scary. I am praying that He will provide a job, friends, a church, and even more of His grace to cover me when I fall and support me in my success. It is all because of His grace that I am even here today.
I guess really, right now, nothing says it better than the lyrics to the song that is so true: Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight
Looking back it is clear to me
That a man is more than the sum of his deeds
And how You've made good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery
Looking back You know You had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky, now I see why
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love
Looking back I can finally see (I'd rather have wisdom)
How failures bring humility (than be)
Brings me to my knees (a comfortable fool)
Helps me see my need for Thee | | |
| Got a funny story for you ags....not really.
That being said, my last post was full of gramatical erros and for that I apologize. In my defense I didn't know the post was published and I never went back to re-write it. To my surprise I looked at my xanga tonight and noticed it had been posted and people wrote comments about it. haha...i'm so lame
The purpose of this post is very simple to let you guys knows that I'm not good at xanga; I never have been but that I do hope to update this thing pretty soon with like a real update, oh and I graduate five weeks from friday. I love you guys!!!
p.s. Drew Garrison if you read this I apologize for my non-post over spring break...I will update this though; I promise! | | |
| Wow! Today I heard the news. The news, that my favorite band in the whole world is going to have to stop....it's ending. It weird because while I am very saddened at the end of such a great band I am also reminded of a closing of a chapter in my life....
It was my 13th birthday and I all I wanted was the new Jars of Clay cd...my friend Danny promised me he would buy the cd for me for my birthday. When it was time open presents I eagerly get to Danny's to open it and realize it was some other band...something by the name of Audio Adrenaline. I thougth eh, it's not Jars, I don't care. A couple of months later I put the cd in and fell in love with the music, but really because it was teaching me to fall in love with Jesus. The song that grabbed my heart was man of God. Man, at that time in my life I was really really wanting ot be a man (woman) of God, but I was completely lost in depression, and the realities of the cruelty of this world. The song said that sometimes i'm a Man of God, it didn't say all the time. It was admitting the imperfectin of Christians that I didn't know existed. The song sparked my interest in Christian music, and in Christ. Approximately one year later, the depression was becoming less of a theme in my life, and more of a challenge that I was overcoming. It all came back to the Lord using that song, that cd, and Danny to give it to me. Well, needless to say I took a special liking to Audio Adrenaline, and ever since them they have been my favorite band. All through junior high and high school I followed them religiously. Ha, one time I followed their tour bus for over an hour hoping they'd stop and I could meet them. I took pictures of them that I knew would never come out. I saw will at the door in dallas one time and basically freaked out telling him how much I love them. In the end though they touches me because of their heart for their Jesus, their fans, and the people of this world.
Anyways, the real point of this entry is to say, that in May I graduate and at the end of this summer Audio Adrenaline will basically be done. It's almost like the certainty of the easy life being over. I think Audio Adrenaline represents a carefree time in my life and atime of extreme growth. It excites me to know that God has so much more in store. I am unsure of what it is or what people, speakers, friends, bands, or songs He will use to speak truth to me but I am confident that He will. I know you are thinking I'm crazy for telling you all this about a band, but I just wanted you all to know that God used Audio Adrenaline in my life in real ways that I will never forget. | | |
| It's been a long time. Much could be said, but little would be understood over the internet. You, unfortunately, cannot hear the inflections in my voice and what not. Anyways, here it is....my feeble atempt for an update:
It has indeed been one of the longest semesters ever. I cannot believe it is over and I am standing on the other side and still breathing, haha. That being said, I took 18 hours this semester and I worked every single day monday thru friday. I struggled with lack of involvement, and little quality time to spend with my precious friends. But, here I am-on the other side and hopefully I've gained more wisdom through the battle of this semester. I spent a lot of this semester questioning my future. Where will I go next, and what does God have in mind for my life? I still haven't gotten those things figured out but I do feel peaceful about the certainty of his victory in my life. I believe I've always had difficulty trusting in His victory, but I must trust and believe that his banner of victory goes before in every step of my life.
I've been working at an after school program in Bryan this semester. It's been interesting! I love working with children, but sometimes my heart aches because I don't have any control over the circumstances these children are going through. I've learned a lot about patience and leniency with children in this arena. I've worked at camp for the last two summers but it's been different at the after school program. Here the children don't want to be there (for the most part) where at camp they look forward to it every year and even wait in anticipation for camp. Anyways....chidren are great! Speaking of children, I really miss my nieces. They are in new orleans with my sister in law's family until the 26th. Those little girls are so precious i definitely wish I got to see them more.
Well, most of you know that during my freshmen year dad lost his job. He went without a job for 10 almost 11 months, most of the year 2003. However, he has been working at Southwest Airlines for the past two years. A couple of weeks ago, after a long process, he was let go from Soutwest. This of course came with some heartache in the family, but man did God know exactly what he was doing! Dad hated working nights, and he rarely got to spend time with our family. Within one week of my dad losing his job he had four job leads. Since that time he has been offered two jobs. What a blessing in disguise! I feel so encouraged by the work of the Lord's hand in my father's life. It's been extremely difficult for my dad and my mom for that matter over the past two years. They hardly saw eachother and none of the kids were at home, so when they were home they were often alone because the other was at work. However, the Lord has brought them, to what I believe, is a better place!
Well, this semester has been full of wonderful memories, a terrible football season, a couple of crazy weather weekends, 2 amazingly wonderful roommates who have blessed and encouraged me every step of the way. It's been a time of growth, heartache, and joy. Realizing His faithfulness and my weakness that makes Him stronger within me. He is worthy to be praised even for these times that have been difficult to understand.
I am home now...eagerly anticipating Christmas! I absolutely love this time of year with my family. Coming home has been getting awkward though. I think some of it has to do with the hypothetical plan that I will return here after I graduate. If I get a job in dallas, which is what I'm hoping for, I'll return here and live with mom and dad while I pay back student loans. I dont' mind the living with mom and dad part so much, but there are so many memories that get drudged up everytime I come home. I wonder sometimes if i really want to return here. I pray my steps are directed during this next semester, so that, no matter where I am, I'm in His steps!
So this was AMAZINGLY long, and I'm sorry but there was so much to be said. | | |
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